Here it is happening again. Despite my intentions, I can feel it slipping in. Paranoia prevailed and suddenly my eyes can’t close. I’m all alone, even though I’m not, laying silent next to someone capable of what I cannot achieve.
Here I am awake again. I’m feeling sick and weak but no matter how I turn the dial sleep evades my every maneuver. Let me sleep and I promise you I will dream. Let me go away, for just a few hours, to places unexplored where I might be able to find what I’m looking for. Things that will never exist but somehow still do in the darkness of thoughts.
Here I’ll go again. To lay down and close my eyes, for hours upon hours, with little hope of reaching my goal of finally dreaming again.
I saw a bird get hit by a car today. It tried to fly under the machine’s chassis. So graceful as it went in and so mangled once it came out. Snapped wings and confusion. A metaphor could be spun, but why bother tampering with perfection?
There’s not much point in thinking about the end. Yet, as humans, it crosses our minds and some people have a lot harder of a time digesting it. We want so hard to imagine it and see it how we need to. Whether it’s just a long journey’s well-deserved finale or a cliff-hanger that will never be rectified. The honest truth of it is that we can’t see how the end will be. If we’ll just be another chapter or the final one, which is beautiful. It’s amazing how we will continue on assuming we won’t be the end of the line when looming over our heads will always be that chance. Perhaps we’re the first generation to experience this phenomena. A population of people who know that they have absolutely no chance of knowing what may or may not happen to them.
I guess it scares me more than anything, than anyone, to consider the thought of my happy ending never being allowed to fully bloom.
I’ve been sitting here and thinking that when I’m sleeping I’m not dreaming. And for someone like me that’s a bothersome thing. No, not just bothersome, but troublesome. It’s a mess of desire spilled out by the fire that I cannot attain. I know this will leave a stain. But despite all I try and the wish that I make, my dreams will always be fake.
This is a grueling downward spiral with all the painful pieces breaking away so, by the time you hit the bottom, you’re numb. Not only that but you’re dumb and lost. It’s not that big of a deal, though, no matter how far you’ve fallen because it’s over and you’ve hit the bottom. You know that saying “Once you hit the bottom the only way to go is up”? I’ve got news for you. Because once you hit that bottom you’ll find that there are no stairs. Not even a ladder. It’s a falsity, it’s a lie. Put your heart in your hand and kiss those lullabies goodbye. You’ve fallen so very far, my love. I hope to see you at the bottom.
With all these problems left to chance
I suppose that’s just the way I am
So delicately washed from my life
I guess you might say that’s why I ran
Maybe I have enjoyed caving in
Hearing these words that do not make sense
So silently pushed from my life
Hearing those truths that will not commence
This is probably the end
Not a word more needs to be written
So innocently purged from my life
Not a hand more needs to be bitten
-submitted by delbot
i bet you’re probably wondering
what it is i’m thinking
i suppose you’ll probably wonder
why it is i’m sinking
the talentless children demanding
what they won’t be needing
the emotionless spectators watch
what they will be killing
It’s awfully tragic that as I find peace with the world, the world can’t find peace with itself.
And how laughable it is that as I rise up from the bottom, I pass all those that were once so far above me and they are falling.